Saint Monkey

Okay, so obviously it’s not literal, it isn’t quite a space / time thing, but in my infinite wisdom I have found the way to do it subjectively.

Step 1. Buy a ticket to your desired destination.

Step 2. Start drinking four hours before your flight.

Step 3. Check in and go through customs etc then continue drinking.

Step 4. Once on the plane you will need to use your charm to get the stewardess to get you a drink before takeoff (it’s your charm and I will not tell you the secret to my own), continue drinking.

Step 5. During takeoff, take Valium (You will need to know what you can handle. 10mg is fine for me, I’m 6’1” and 80kg and have taken Valium before. I would suggest doing some experimentation to know what you’re good for before hopping on a plane and see the disclaimer below).

Step 6. Drink more. This is where you can go hard. Try 3 double shots back to back.

At some point shortly after that you will pass out. My own experience was waking up not long before landing. I don’t know if I was woken up or it just happened naturally but my time experience was almost nonexistent. I personally drunk close to 20 standard drinks in that first 5 hour period but I also have a fairly high tolerance to alcohol. If you would like to try this highly stupid but effective method of teleportation, it would be best to know your limits for all of these drugs.

Disclaimer: I do not recommend anyone actually do this. It is very stupid and can be harmful to yourself and those around you. You could die. If you do think this sounds like some half brained idea that you wouldn’t mind giving a go, talk to your doctor first.

It’s been a while since I wrote anything here. But, can always start again now.

In some ways I wish I could write about all the strangeness in my life but I have the fear that people involved in any of it will come across this and I’ll get into a bunch of trouble. On the other hand, that probably isn’t likely anyway.

Example:
Today I had my ear chewed off by a girl. Completely unjustified, uncalled for and just plain wrong. Now, this girl happens to be the older sister of my girlfriend, who would take it badly if I tore her sister a new asshole like she was asking for. I was calm and acted rationally and in the end she realised her wrong (maybe) and ended up in tears.

Now, I would like to write the details here but I have the fear of people involed finding it… What to do…

Stay tuned…

The Question is, will this be contributing to the graveyard that is much of the internet? Or, will I actually do something with this? Will here lie the truth or just another collection of lies and rubbish?

I know this could be so much more and i know that the real question is: Can I be fucked?

Lets see…