Saint Monkey

Okay, so obviously it’s not literal, it isn’t quite a space / time thing, but in my infinite wisdom I have found the way to do it subjectively.

Step 1. Buy a ticket to your desired destination.

Step 2. Start drinking four hours before your flight.

Step 3. Check in and go through customs etc then continue drinking.

Step 4. Once on the plane you will need to use your charm to get the stewardess to get you a drink before takeoff (it’s your charm and I will not tell you the secret to my own), continue drinking.

Step 5. During takeoff, take Valium (You will need to know what you can handle. 10mg is fine for me, I’m 6’1” and 80kg and have taken Valium before. I would suggest doing some experimentation to know what you’re good for before hopping on a plane and see the disclaimer below).

Step 6. Drink more. This is where you can go hard. Try 3 double shots back to back.

At some point shortly after that you will pass out. My own experience was waking up not long before landing. I don’t know if I was woken up or it just happened naturally but my time experience was almost nonexistent. I personally drunk close to 20 standard drinks in that first 5 hour period but I also have a fairly high tolerance to alcohol. If you would like to try this highly stupid but effective method of teleportation, it would be best to know your limits for all of these drugs.

Disclaimer: I do not recommend anyone actually do this. It is very stupid and can be harmful to yourself and those around you. You could die. If you do think this sounds like some half brained idea that you wouldn’t mind giving a go, talk to your doctor first.

Spence Peppard goes nuts doing a rendition of Crazy. What was probably supposed to be a joke turned into some pretty good sounding music.

Spence’s Myspace page

We are like children playing with sticks and yet we have weapons so powerful we can destroy the world. We can look back through our history and see that most of what we know of it is little more than the mistakes of children, yet still we persist in repeating these things under different guises. We look at the cruelty that others do in both the past and in our own time and can recognize that if only someone could do something these injustices would not happen again, yet we do nothing ourselves.

I make me sick.